Sunday, September 16, 2012

things i'll never say...

avril lavigne was basically the soundtrack of my middle school years, and a few songs in particularly stand out that i love. i remember jamming out listening to avril through my boom box as i caked on the eye liner every morning before school.

aside from sk8er boi and complicated, the song "things i'll never say" was a favorite. basically i'm one of those people who don't really have the guts to say things...but i have things that would definitely make me feel better if i let them out..

i'd like to say these things in hopes that i'll stop thinking about them.. it's not that i'm too stubborn or prideful to say these things...some things are just left to be unsaid, and well, let's be real, some of these things are WAY too mean to say to the person.

so without further ado, therapy via blogging about the things i'll never say...written in random order via letters (and in no way are they tied to their name...or are they?)

Dear A,
I think about you every now and then and i worry about how you're choosing to live your life. not that i'm judging, and i know you've been through a lot, but i also know that you do know better and that you're being an idiot. abusing substances will only get you so far, and it's not really getting you anywhere. I'm nervous that one day i'm going to read on facebook that you overdosed on drugs or that you've been found dead, and that makes me really sad and scared. i still care about you, although you probably could care less about me. quit being stupid and throwing away your life.

Dear B,
I'm honestly mad at you, and really hurt by you. I'm mad you dont care...and I'm mad that i care. im also embarrassed i still let you affect me. i also would like to point out that i think its SO stupid you date annoying girls...because i am fabulous. and funny. But despite how much you've put me through, i still think the world of you. You dont deserve me thinking be honest. I wish you hadn't taken up so many years of my life. I was a good friend to you...and I wish you would have appreciated and realized that.

Dear C,
I think you're one of the most annoying people i know, and yet i'm way jealous of how smart you are. i wish that every day that i could beat you at something, and yet you still come out on top and that bugs me. you also are such a great suck up and for that, i find you so repulsive. i also think you secretly hate me.

Dear D,
I'm offended that you like the others more than me.. It hurts my feelings a little. I work really hard to please you.

Dear E,
I've stopped asking about your dating life because i'm honestly so jealous. i'm jealous how you surpassed every record i could ever set, and came out way above. it honestly makes me so jealous how great you've became at everything. you also like to talk a lot and monopolize conversations...we all know your life is great. we get it.

Dear F,
I'm sorry i hurt you. however, you shouldn't need to tell everyone about it and make me look like a brat. also, you've seemed to find yourself a great life so please stop bringing me up. i did care a lot for you but it just wasn't there for me..okay?

Dear G,
the world doesn't revolve around you. i'm sorry, and i think the fact on how you make me guilty for stuff all the time is really rude and inconsiderate. i truly do think you're gorgeous and think you're fun, so quit making me feel guilty when i can't come to hang out with you. also, making me lie for you was such a rude thing to make me do. i hope you realize how hard it was for me to do that...and appreciate it.

Dear H,
i honestly think you're perfect for me, except when you say those stupid things sometimes that makes me regret ever thinking that. i wish i were brave enough to actually try things. i'm sorry i'm scared. i'm always careful with things, and i just don't ever show it. i hope you'll give me a good chance though.

Dear I,
i'll work on it when i can, but quit trying to show me how to change me to be better at dating.

Dear J,
I think you are one of the biggest jerks i've ever met, and i'm sorry that i ever considered hanging out with you since you got home from your mission.  i'm embarrassed at how you think i'm in love with you or something..but news flash -- i could care less about you. i tried to be nice and then you start talking bad about whatevs.

Dear K,
i love how fakely nice you are to me...especially because it's just when you want to date one of my best friends. and i feel fake when i talk to you too..and i hate being fake. you thought i wanted to date this particular best friend of mine too, and guess what? i did...and well as much as i hate to admit it -- you won him. and yep i really honestly wanted him, and when you asked me if i did and i denied it -- yep i lied. so congratulations.

Dear L,
okay miss better than everyone, when you tell people that we're bad should take a quick look at yourself first. we were good friends to you, and you never took the time to realize that. it hurts my feelings a little... and i'm offended that you hate me.

Dear M,
i think you're perfect...and i want to marry you. we have a lot in common, and we have fun...but it will never work so i wish you would stop talking to me so much because it makes me want it.

as for the rest of you in this world... most of you i love and after reading this i hope you don't think i'm a bratty person. i think sooo many of my friends are fun, and great people and i look up to you all. the people above are just special cases, and i wish i could say these.. also, i'm slightly embarrassed for the few people (you know who you are) that probably can figure out who i'm talking about in some of them...haha. and for that...i'm sorry.