What triggered this little post was me thinking about people I'm close to changing. I notice the change in them and then I look at myself. Everyone is trying to become better -- for the better or the worse. Let me explain that. For example everyone is trying to be better. That's an obvious statement...but what people don't think about is how being "better" is sometimes perceived as different things for different people. Being better for one person could be stopping drinking, and being better for another person is begin drinking so you're viewed as more fun and outgoing in social situations. I hate how this varies for different people...and it scares me. I look at those close to me, in which I've seen slip up and fall into temptation and it scares me sooo bad. I watch people I am close to and love oh so much, fall so hard. They might not see it at the moment, but I watch a part of them die. I see people I once looked up to, and wished to be like, totally become a different person in a matter of weeks or days. I watch them "have fun" as seen from the world, and try so hard to get others involved just so they feel less of a bad person. Everyone has a conscience. It scares me to see how some people totally disregard this and bring themselves down.
I have the want to become better...and it scares me when sometimes I change for the want to be better-worse. Peer pressure is everywhere around...and it scares me when I watch my thoughts alter to those around me and start to wish to "have more fun," etc. I want to be good. It's just sooo hard to be when I see those close to me fall, those who I look up to and want to be like. I think, "well they're a good person...and their doing it...so why can't I?" Ugh. This is exactly what Satan wants in this world. Justification. I watch it so much in my life. "I'll stop when I meet the guy I want to marry." "I'll stop when I make more friends." "I'll stop at the end of the year." Excuses. Justification. I need to stop letting myself turn to these procrastinating thoughts. The question is how, when I see so many others just waiting til the timing is perfect for them.
I need and want a change in my life...I just am uncertain to how. People affect me so much, and it is so hard to do what's right when something stands in the way. One reason I think I want to go on a mission is because I know/hope that I'll be around those people that I wish to become like.
I love this quote by Marilyn Monroe:
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."-Marilyn Monroe
I just hope to apply this to my life and have it prove something to me. I can't wait for the holidays. I can't wait to be around those who love me unconditionally, and who I look up to so much. Not saying that here there aren't those people, I just know that at home I am who I want to be. Well, more of who I want to be.
This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also I have decided that sisters make the best friends in the world. As for boys, well, they'll come and go too. And I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up because if you give up, you'll never find the one you're supposed to be with. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about. Stand for something.